too much
This weekend me and the CEO went for a quiet night out dining at our favorite trendy restaurant and followed by some shopping. We bought some wine and interesting coffee table books, and also checked some unique interior accesories. In the midst of choosing and picking the desired items, unconsciously i held his hand..being completely unaware of his status in society and the agreements we had (no public display of affection).Being a decent and sophisticated gentleman he is, subtly he can manage a smooth gesture to ease the situation when being too comfortable can be deceiving for the mind, especially if you are not out with a girlfriend or fiancee or legal wife..but with a muse, a mistress, a paid girlfriend. There are things and protocols that should be kept in mind, kept in close consideration, since at that moment i lost awareness of that. Being in my own comfort zone.
When reality bites, it feels odd. I've been around him for so long. Of course when we are in private things are completely different from that. It has always been romantic, amusing and sweet. It's not appropriate for me to have these dissapointments when reality hits, it's part of the consequences I have to go through, choosing this path. It's hard not to fall and it's hard to keep an emotional distance at a stable amount without having mixed feelings deep down inside.
At this moment, all the glittering gifts seem not to matter because after all I believe, that all women, no matter how happy she is in her own little world with her man, yearns for some sort of acknowledgement when it comes to the perso who holds a soft spot inside her mind.
Should I just act my way out of it, considering that this is just a phase in my life I'm going through before I get what I want and pursue my way out of it to join the normal-regular life...?? But what if I choose to stay here, because this is where I want to be?
posted by candy @ 6:32 AM
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